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Are You Selfish?
- Tami West
- Sep 25
- 3 min read
Hi friend,
When people say, “Self-care isn’t selfish,” I usually agree. But sometimes, it really can be.
Here’s what I mean:
I once visited a friend I admired. Her home was lovely but lived-in. Things were messy, kids running around. When I offered to help, she tossed me a cutting board and said, “Sure, chop those veggies.” She wasn’t performing stress. She wasn’t apologizing for resting or for a house that wasn’t picture-perfect. She was confident in who she was.
That’s self-care that inspires.
On the other hand, I’ve known women who constantly pull the “self-care card.” They never join in, never lend a hand, always opting out in the name of protecting their time. After a while, it feels less like balance and more like avoidance. That’s when self-care can start to look selfish.
So what’s the difference?
The spirit of the care
Confident self-care is life-giving: “I matter, and so do you.”
Selfish self-care is life-draining: “Only I matter.”
It’s not about whether you nap, say no, or ask for help. It’s about how you carry yourself while doing it. Confident self-care lets others breathe easier around you. Selfish self-care makes others feel shut out.
My encouragement? Next time you set a boundary or take a break, ask yourself: Am I fueling myself to show up better, or am I shielding myself to check out? That small shift could make all the difference in how others, and you, experience your self-care.
Hugs and thank you for being with me,
Tami 💛
Love & Hugs,
Tami
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Love & Hugs,
Tami
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Tami West, PhD
Stress and Mental Health Expert Dr. Tami West uses her entertaining and compelling style to shine a new light on how to transform your life and discover solutions to life’s challenges.
Tami has worked in a variety of industries including healthcare, school nutrition, corporate sales, and 10 years as a public-school teacher. In 2013 she received her PhD in Human Development, studying the connections among stress, emotions, and identity.
Dr. West has spoken in 48 states across the US, as well as the United Kingdom, Australia, and New Zealand. In any given year, Tami speaks to groups with audiences consisting of anywhere from 100 to 3,000 people.
Dr. West is the author of several successful publications including three books: The Stress Club, Life Without the Monsters and Thrive. When she's not speaking or writing, you might find her with her traveling with her husband and family, reading historical fiction, or watching Big Bang Theory.
Tami connects with audiences through real experience, cutting edge research, and transparent stories – all sprinkled with humor! She will make you laugh, cry, and shine a refreshingly new light on life's challenges.
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Contact Tami at tamiwest@tamiwest.com
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