.png)
5 Ways to Exit the Stress Club: From Script Swaps to Equity Lenses
- Tami West
- Oct 9
- 5 min read
Over the past few weeks on TikTok and YouTube, I’ve been walking through five of The Ten Stress Club Exit Tools—real, practical ways to step out of the identity that tells us stress equals worth.
If you’ve followed along, you know these tools come straight from real conversations—women doing their best to survive in a culture that rewards burnout. We wear exhaustion like a badge of honor, and we compete over who’s the most overwhelmed.
This week’s blog pulls together the first five Exit Tools, so you can start practicing them in your own life.
1. The Stress Script → Tool: Script Swap
Let’s start with one of my favorites: The Stress Script.
Here’s an example: you tell a friend you went to the movies this weekend, and she replies, “Must be nice.”Or maybe you catch yourself saying, “I’m just so stressed,” or “I never have time for myself.”
Those aren’t just casual phrases, they’re scripts. And the more we repeat them, the more they shape our identity.
The tool is called the Script Swap.When you notice a Stress Script, rewrite it.Instead of, “I never have time for myself,” try, “I’m learning to make time for myself.”
Every swap is one step closer to exiting the Stress Club and choosing the identity you actually want to live!
2. The Burden Economy → Tool: Anchor Phrase
Here’s a perfect example of what I call The Burden Economy.
Someone posts that they have twelve projects in progress, and the comments roll in:“Oh, I’ve got twenty going.”“Quit slacking!”
This is what happens when burdens become currency. The heavier your load, the more valuable you seem. But you don’t have to buy into it.
The tool here is an Anchor Phrase, something you say to yourself when the pressure to “prove your stress” creeps in.Try: “I don’t measure my value in stress points.”
And if you want a quick, graceful reply when someone invites you into the Burden Economy?Just say, “Wow, twenty is a lot.” You didn’t compete, you didn’t explain. That one line puts your foot right out the door of the Stress Club.
3. The Tangled Storyline → Tool: Narrative Unraveling
You know what keeps a lot of us stuck in the Stress Club? It’s the tangled storyline.
Those messy stories we replay in our heads:“I’m just always overwhelmed.”“I can’t get past what happened.”
That’s where Narrative Unraveling comes in. It’s the tool of taking those stories and laying them out in the open—recording yourself, writing them down, or even using AI to help organize your words into something clearer.
Because your story isn’t the problem, it’s the knots. And when you unravel them, you take away the power of the unknown and bring everything into the light.
Here’s your challenge: Pick one story that’s been heavy for you. Record yourself telling it. Then ask, “Does seeing this outside of my head give me peace, or do I need help to go deeper?”
That’s Narrative Unraveling—and it’s one way out of the Stress Club.
4. Language Loopholes → Tool: Meta-Questions
One of the sneakiest ways we stay stuck in the Stress Club is through Language Loopholes.
We say things like:“I’m fine,” when we’re not. Or, “It’s always like this,” when it really isn’t.
This is where Meta-Questions come in, a simple but powerful tool from NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming).
Here’s how it works:
When you make things vague, like “I’m stressed,” ask: “Stressed about what, specifically?”
When you distort, like “She doesn’t like me,” ask: “How do I know that? What did she actually say or do?”
When you generalize, like “I never get it right,” ask: “Never? Can I think of one time when I did?”
Meta-questions break the loopholes.They uncover what’s really true instead of letting old stress scripts define your identity.
If you’d like to practice this one, I created a simple Meta-Questioning Worksheet—you can download it in the Resource Vault.
5. The Validation Trap → Tool: The Equity Lens
One of the biggest traps that keeps women in the Stress Club is what I call The Validation Trap (sometimes called the Superwoman Syndrome).
It’s when we do more and more, at work, at home, everywhere, because deep down, we hope people will notice. Appreciate us. Maybe even love us more.
But here’s the problem: the more we do, the less seen we often feel. And that leads straight to exhaustion and burnout. The tool is called The Equity Lens.Instead of asking, “How can I do it all?” we ask, “How can this load be shared fairly?”
And fair doesn’t always mean equal. For example: if one partner works longer hours outside the home, the other might take on more daily tasks. But maybe the first partner handles finances, weekend cooking, or the kids’ extracurriculars.
That’s equitable, not identical. When responsibilities are distributed equitably, everyone contributes, everyone matters, and no one gets stuck chasing validation through burnout.
These five tools are just the beginning. Next week, I’ll share five more, about redefining worth, stopping comparison, and creating emotional freedom.
If you’re tired of feeling like stress is your résumé, you’re not alone.Let’s exit the Stress Club—together. 💛
👉 Subscribe to the blog at https://www.tamiwest.com/blog
Love & Hugs,
Tami
Engage with the full resources in my Resource Vault
I’d love to hear from you. And if you missed any of the social posts, you can check them out on Facebook or grab your free downloads from the Resource Vault.
Keep the Conversation Going!
Which of these topics helped you most this week? Drop a comment below or send me a message, I love hearing your stories. And if you want downloadable quote cards, images, or deep-dive guides for any of these posts, just let me know!
Love & Hugs,
Tami
Social Media Links
Mental Health Resources:
Tami West, PhD
Stress and Mental Health Expert Dr. Tami West uses her entertaining and compelling style to shine a new light on how to transform your life and discover solutions to life’s challenges.
Tami has worked in a variety of industries including healthcare, school nutrition, corporate sales, and 10 years as a public-school teacher. In 2013 she received her PhD in Human Development, studying the connections among stress, emotions, and identity.
Dr. West has spoken in 48 states across the US, as well as the United Kingdom, Australia, and New Zealand. In any given year, Tami speaks to groups with audiences consisting of anywhere from 100 to 3,000 people.
Dr. West is the author of several successful publications including three books: The Stress Club, Life Without the Monsters and Thrive. When she's not speaking or writing, you might find her with her traveling with her husband and family, reading historical fiction, or watching Big Bang Theory.
Tami connects with audiences through real experience, cutting edge research, and transparent stories – all sprinkled with humor! She will make you laugh, cry, and shine a refreshingly new light on life's challenges.
Television Interviews
Contact Tami at tamiwest@tamiwest.com
Comments